As summer approaches, life gets hectic. Our kids’ schedules are crazy, we struggle to balance work and family life, we tear our hair out and inevitably the stress gets the better of us.

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME

Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK

Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING

Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.
“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

On April 10th Rick Murphy was invited to speak at a high school assembly on Drunk Driving along with Law Enforcement and EMS. The audience was made up of the entire Algona High School and Bishop Garrigan’s Junior and Senior class. Rick delivered a moving speech to all students about his particular role as a funeral director in a drunk driving fatality. The auditorium was silent as Rick gave moving examples of what he must do and say in the sad event of a preventable death. Following is Rick’s speech in it’s entirety. Our hope is that it will influence even one teenager to say no to drinking and driving.

I’m the guy you don’t think about when you plan your party.

I’m the guy no one wants to see.

• I’m the guy who looks into the empty hollow eyes of your broken hearted parents as they look for answers as to why this horrible accident happened.
• I don’t have the answers for them.

I’m the guy

• who tries to piece back together a broken, lacerated face and mangled body so that your Mom and Dad,  brother and sister, and friends have one more chance to say good-bye.

I’m the guy

• who takes you, their son or daughter to the cemetery to be put in the ground – all because of your one bad decision – a preventable decision.

I’m the guy

• who visits your parents months after the funeral to find out your bedroom is untouched – everything the same as it was the day you were killed. Their lives have stopped.  Their future destroyed.
• The prom, the graduations, the wedding,  grandchildren  - everything your parents hoped and dreamed for  – the future – all gone because of one bad decision you made – a preventable decision.

Look around you now at the empty seats – everyone on stage with a black ribbon – all represent someone who has died at the hands of a drunk driver.  This is just since 8 AM today.

Since we’ve been in this room, 4 more people have died at the hands of a drunk driver. 4 more. Who is next? Will it be you?

All of these precious lives are snuffed out because of one bad decision – a preventable decision. These are holes that are left and can never be filled.

In closing, I just want to say – please think, stand firm against peer pressure. You know what’s right. Don’t make a selfish decision.

And just remember – I’m the guy… you don’t think about…when you plan your party.

This is a perfect example of how we can help make the funeral service a tribute to someone’s life – unique in their own way. We enjoy working with each and every one of our families and strive to bring this touch of individuality to all.

Rick and Julie Murphy, host parents of Berit Klueker from Germany

Oakcrest’s Rick Murphy and his wife Julie are looking forward to a special holiday this year. They are host parents to 15 year old Berit Klueker from Germany. Berit’s home town in northern Germany has many similarities to Algona and she often helps her dad and brother on their family farm. Berit is a sophomore at Algona High School.

Berit is the 4^th student that Rick and Julie have had the pleasure of hosting, with the other students being from Albania, Kosovo and Austria.

At holiday time, many people are dealing with loss and are often caught in a dilemma between the need to grieve and the pressure to get into the spirit of the season. The sights, sounds and smells of the season are supposed to inspire warmth, love, joy, gratitude and hope. But it can feel as cold as snow in your heart if a loved one has just died and the heightened holiday expectations may only intensify the pain you are feeling. Holidays or not, it is important for the bereaved to find ways to take care of themselves. The following guidelines may be helpful:

• Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The National Funeral Directors Association suggests affirmations such as, “In spite of loss, I will try to enjoy this season.”

• Select a candle in your loved one’s favorite color and scent. Place it in a special area of your home and light it at a significant time throughout the holidays, signifying the light of the love that lives on in your heart.

• Give yourself permission to express your feelings. If you feel an urge to cry, let the tears flow. Tears are healing. Scientists have found that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers.

• Shakespeare once said, “Give sorrow words…” Write an “un-sent letter” to your loved one. expressing what you are honestly feeling toward him or her at this moment. After you compose the letter, you may decide to place it in a book, album or drawer in your home, leave it at a memorial site, throw it away, or even burn it and let the ashes rise symbolically.

• When you are especially missing your loved one, call family members or dear friends and share your feelings. If they knew him or her, consider asking them to share some memories of times they shared with your loved one.

• If you live within driving distance of the cemetery, decorate the memorial site with a holiday theme. This could include flowers, garlands, ribbons, bows, evergreen-branches, packages, pinecones or a miniature Christmas tree. Decorating the site yourself can be helpful in remembering and celebrating your loved one’s life during the holidays, and may free you to cherish the present holiday with your remaining family.

• Play music that is comforting and meaningful to you. Take a few moments to close your eyes and feel the music within the center of your being.

• Give money you would have spent for gifts for your absent loved one to a charity in your family member’s name. Consider donating money to the public library to buy a particular book. Have the book dedicated to your loved one’s memory. Buy a present for a child who would not otherwise have a gift during the holiday season.

• Read a book or article on grief. Visit or call Oakcrest Funeral Services to receive your free copy of “Renewing Your Spirit” for advice on how to cope with grief, especially during the holidays.

• Remember the reality that the anticipation of the holidays without your family member is often harder than the actual holidays themselves.

Supporting Those Who Mourn During the Holidays:

• Let them grieve. Communicate. Listen. Encourage them to talk about their feelings.

• Make contact statements that are true for you.
 Example: “I’ve been thinking about you. I don’t know what to say. I can imagine that the holidays are pretty charged this year.” Now, just listen.

• Your job is neither to be the fix-it person, nor be clever. Lay down that burden. Just be you. When you are fumbling for what to do, say it! e.g. ‘I’m fumbling for what to say. I wish I were good with words.’

• Listen to your instinct. Trust it. When the time seems right, say something like: “I find myself wondering if there is something I can do for you during this time? An errand to run? A time to share a cup of coffee? Maybe we can just be together, without agenda? A walk through the park, or in nature, where we are away from the entire hustle bustle? I’m open to what seems right.” Listen.

• When you think of this person, call them! Even if you have only a few moments, that’s O.K… You can even say: “I’ve only got a moment, but I was thinking about you just now and wanted you to know I’m here if you need anything.”

• Evenings can be especially tough since the noise of the day subsides. It’s a great time for check in, just to give the message, ‘you are in my heart.’ Use your own words. You cannot fail.

• Remember, your job is not to take away the loss. Your job is to be you, be real, and be a fair witness to one of the most difficult times in your loved one’s life. One of the most supporting factors in growing forward through grief is reconnecting with life without feeling pushed.

Adapted from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-cara-barker/holiday-grieving-how-to-b_b_789813.html and “Ten Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief” By L. B. Schultz, Carmel, Indiana. For more information about coping with the holidays, bereavement support services please contact Oakcrest Funeral Services at 515-295-3731.

Honor a loved one this holiday season. Surprise Mom, Grandma, Sister or Friend with a beautiful memorial necklace, bracelet, key chain, ornament and more available to you from Oakcrest Funeral Services. Now through Christmas enjoy 15% off.

We will help you design a perfect piece to honor loved ones past and present. Order soon for holiday delivery. Call today! 515-295-3731

November 25, 1961

Congratulations to Mike and Karen Schaaf as they celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary today. This special couple helped build the Oakcrest Funeral Services business from the start with a heart felt passion to help others in need during a difficult time. Mike and Karen will celebrate this weekend with their 4 kids and 7 grandchildren in Des Moines. Happy 50th Anniversary, Mike and Karen!

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